Having positive relationships through transitions, for some young people is essential, however sometimes, in certain cases; it can be argued that children could simply be left alone to deal with the transition themselves.
Firstly, we can look at positive relationships. If a child is provided with a positive home environment, where there is little or no disruption, both parents are present and together they encourage the child emotionally, socially and academically, in a safe and secure home, it is likely the child will feel protected and confident about changes taking places. They may not even notice particular transitions are happening to them. I was lucky enough to come from such a background and looking back, I do not recognise any transitions from my childhood being an issue at all. Actually they were not even recognised by my parents, we just grew up and that was it.
Positive relationships do not stop at home though. Teachers and staff at the school should provide positive relationships too. This is extremely important if the child experiences problems at home and is not encouraged and supported by their parents. Someone needs to be in the child’s life to offer support, notice that changes are approaching and to be available to help and guide the child as best as possible, whether this be supporting them emotionally or academically throughout the different transitions they are experiencing. Teachers and TA’s however need to be aware that they cannot become emotionally involved, they have an obligation to remain professional, and they must understand the limits of their role. With this is mind though, a supportive and understanding teacher/TA, is an excellent intervention for any child whether they have home support or not.
Building up a child’s self esteem and confidence, by providing a positive, happy learning environment, using relative, thought out interventions, will encourage that child to develop coping skills in order to effectively manage changes in their lives. It also offers a foundation for other pupils in the class who may be experiencing, or are about to experience the same change.
Friends and peers, regardless of age, can also have a positive effect of transitions. They may be going through the same transitions themselves, or they may have experienced similar issues to you. They are available to offer guidance and an ear for listening, a shoulder to cry on, or just the thought of knowing you are not on your own is a helpful intervention in itself. Friends are particularly helpful when a child is going through a unique transition such as their parents splitting up. They can offer support, empathy and companionship which can be priceless for that child.
Negative relationships can hinder a child’s passage through transitions. At home, parents may not be there to offer support, they may be busy with work or a younger sibling, and may not notice the child is encountering problems dealing with a change in their life. They could assume the child is old enough to cope alone and may not offer any emotional help. Or on the opposite side of the coin, they could be over caring, and may ‘baby’ a child to the extent that transitions such as starting primary school and detaching themselves from Mum, becomes almost impossible to deal with.
Friends could also play a negative part when a child is going through a transition. They could put pressure on you to participate in something wrong to mask what is really going on. For example, if you confided in a friend at school and told them you were being bullied, they could encourage you to skip school with them, so that you did not have to attend that day.
They could offer you bad advice if they are not experienced in the transition, and they may gossip about you or become competitive. They may just have absolutely no understanding of what you are going through and may be totally unaccommodating, leaving you to feel silly, isolated and that you must be the only one experiencing these feelings.
So, as we can see, positive relationships do significantly help when children and young people are experiencing normal and unique transitions. However, do we really need to aid children through every one of these changes with such force? ‘Normal’ transitions needn’t be a struggle for most children. Children should relish and welcome some of these changes, and be encouraged to think of them as stepping stones rather than ‘scary things that happen to us’. I feel that putting emphasis on every transition that happens will almost force issues onto the child and could cause stress and worry, and have a negative impact on the way they cope.
All children are unique, and have very different coping levels. I believe that a good balance between offering emotional support, and having respect for a child’s own ability to master the transition on their own, is absolutely essential.
H Akers
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